My last entry was more than two years ago. I was asked why I stopped writing and for a second I did not know. I then realised I had not stopped writing. I have a diary I write in, I write in my head, I have a few hundred drafts in between my ears, they’re struggling sometimes in such tight quarters… I kept this space where I can pour my thoughts so I could eventually have another post.
Because of that one question, I am now putting finger to keyboard again.
The last two years and a half have been full, maybe even overflowing. I was unemployed, I changed jobs, I went to weddings and I’ll be forever in those photos with a person who was never meant to be my significant other. I made conscious changes to my life. I stretched so much beyond what I thought I was capable. Most of all I have opened up. Better said: I cracked open. I cracked open like you see sometimes in the movies a sphere cracking and there is light coming out. That is how I cracked open.
I broke up with a version of myself that I was very much attached to.
I ended the relationship with my boyfriend/partner… I never know what to call him because I feel like for the most part he was neither of those things. That was a huge step. One that I had been planning and dreading for at least 2 years prior.
I took a course that changed the course of my life – pun intended.
I had touching conversations with people around me. Many many many conversations.
I strengthened my relationship with my sister, my aunt, my best friend.
I opened up to two new good friends, I could not be happier for the way those still develop.
I pushed myself into more life altering courses that have basically given me tools to rewire my brain, my patterns, my thinking. I have challenged almost everything I used to know. They gave me the freedom to choose what I like. They gave me choice in a way I had never experienced it before.
I lived through the pandemic, like everyone else. Unlike most everyone (and I am a bit afraid to say it), I bloomed during this time at home. I never liked going out, so I could turn inwardly, do a lot of work, do a lot of love.
I am sure I have done more. Much more than I remember now.
I never stopped writing in all of this. I have just changed the medium and the type of writing. I have been writing with pen on paper and in a different way. I did not take time to reflect, like I do in between these electronic pages. When life gets painful, hurtful, hectic, I tend to avoid reflecting. I am grateful to the person who asked me why did I stop. I got to see I never stopped writing, but I did take a break from reflecting.