Diary entries

Some people are irreplaceable

Some people are irreplaceable. And that’s ok. It’s nature’s way of making us a bit more careful in appreciating what we have, when we hold it in our lives.

When I first started writing the first sentence, I was engulfed in a sense of loss too painful to find words to describe it. There are some things in life that feel that way. I am truly trying my best to live in the present moment, and for the most part I manage and I am happy and content with how my life turned out. But there are a select few things that make me travel back, make me wish, wonder, yearn and wander aimlessly into the world of what if. I know there’s no use in that, but somehow wondering of what would have been if we had more time, changes the pain. I know the reality in which things would have been different is non-existent, it didn’t happen because it couldn’t happen. But the knowing doesn’t stop the wanting. The dreaming that comes with the wanting while knowing gives me an odd sense of relief. It’s all make-believe, but make-believe helps navigate the painful.

I am all too aware life wasn’t perfect, but because I didn’t appreciate what I did have in its imperfection, I need to believe I would appreciate all I could have in a make-believe world where I get to have one of my biggest heart’s desire.

Some people are irreplaceable. My mom is one of them.

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