Diary entries

Today I wanted to run away but I stayed put

Today I wanted to give in to self pity, to wallowing, to self deprecation of the worst kind. Instead, after crying for a few minutes, I wiped my tears away, I put on an audiobook and I realised that although wallowing has its benefits, I will love myself more for caring deeply about my thoughts and feelings.

I love myself so much that I want to do the healthy thing for myself.

Another important realisation was that part of my sadness was hormone related. On my period, with mild to severe cramps, the world tends to darken. Don’t get me wrong, I do have hardship in my life, but it helps me gain perspective if I name what’s making me allow self pity to creep into my acts. I recognise the patterns and the habits, and naming them, talking to them even, helps me keep depression at bay. And for being able to do that, I thank myself, the self that doesn’t let me down, when the self that wants to leave, starts acting out.

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