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elizabotogan

life through my own filter

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Month: October 2018

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How I stop from comparing myself to others

October 28, 2018February 4, 2022 ElizaLeave a comment

Today I noticed myself doing something interesting, something that also makes me happy. I was in full process of putting myself down for not studying for my Dutch class. I am waaaaay more behind than I want to be. That did not motivate me lately, so today I proceeded in what started out to be… Continue reading How I stop from comparing myself to others

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I know you left a diary

October 25, 2018 ElizaLeave a comment

I wish I would find it, though it's probably long lost. I know you're gone, you, your essence, your smell and warmth have vanished from the living realm. But it would soothe me to be reading your words, touching your writing, thinking of your hands on the paper. Thinking of those fingers, the tips of… Continue reading I know you left a diary

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Everything is either a choice or a decision

October 24, 2018 ElizaLeave a comment

I am reading this book about attachment types. I have an anxious attachment style at the moment. They can change over time. Depending on what I choose to act on, on what I choose to think and to feel, my attachment style can change. That brings me to my point. Everything is a choice or… Continue reading Everything is either a choice or a decision

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In the end we feel the same

October 23, 2018December 31, 2018 ElizaLeave a comment

I know this for some time now, but I keep learning it. There's such a relief in knowing that no one really knows how to win at life. Because it's made of moments, good, better, learning moments. And the relief comes from the certainty that we all have fears and happiness, anxiety and thrill, sadness… Continue reading In the end we feel the same

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Today I decide

October 22, 2018 ElizaLeave a comment

To tell myself all the things I waited a lifetime for others to tell me. And to be honest, now I don't even understand why I waited. It was clear that I had it all in me, since I wanted others to see it and tell it to me. So today I say: I am… Continue reading Today I decide

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October 21, 2018February 4, 2022 ElizaLeave a comment

I know I am not alone in thinking that I have contradictory thoughts and feelings. For example, while I do believe that friendships die of their own accord, because we lose common points with people or because we can't keep everyone in our lives, people will also hear me say that I simply cannot give… Continue reading

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October 21, 2018February 4, 2022 ElizaLeave a comment

I always avoid going running. And I don't think it's because I don't like it, but because I feel self conscious about my body. It just now dawned on me, that most likely, everybody else who's out there running, either feels the same way as I do, or they just don't care about how my… Continue reading

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I was right

October 19, 2018 ElizaLeave a comment

When I told myself I just need to get through the day. That, and a very good cry. A very very long and full of snot kind of cry. So now I have puffy eyes and a headache. But somehow I feel better.

Diary entries

Today I wanted to run away but I stayed put

October 18, 2018November 3, 2018 ElizaLeave a comment

Today I wanted to give in to self pity, to wallowing, to self deprecation of the worst kind. Instead, after crying for a few minutes, I wiped my tears away, I put on an audiobook and I realised that although wallowing has its benefits, I will love myself more for caring deeply about my thoughts… Continue reading Today I wanted to run away but I stayed put

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